While I was on TikTok this morning, I saw a video of a woman who said she asked her girlfriends, “When was the last time a man approached you at a bar and started talking to you?” Her girlfriends told her it had been a very long time since something like that happened. What stood out about this video was that she didn’t use it as an opportunity to criticize men for not approaching women. She simply noted that it was something both she and her girlfriends had observed.
Usually, when women create videos asking similar questions about why men don’t approach women these days, they use the platform to berate men—calling them soft, scared of rejection, or lacking “game.” While some of these criticisms might apply to certain men, I’d like to offer a perspective on why many men might hesitate to approach women at bars.
Fear of Being Canceled
The fear of being canceled is not the same as the fear of rejection. While rejection might bring momentary embarrassment in front of bystanders, being canceled can ruin someone’s life.
The term “Me Too” was first coined on Myspace in 2006 by sexual assault survivor and activist Tarana Burke. In 2017, the hashtag #MeToo went viral, highlighting the widespread prevalence of sexual harassment and assault. This movement was incredibly powerful and necessary, shedding light on unacceptable behaviors and holding many perpetrators accountable. In the beginning, it was heartening to see men who committed heinous acts face justice.
However, as the movement gained momentum, some people began exploiting it. While many women shared genuine and heartbreaking stories of assault, a small minority used the movement for financial or personal gain. Lawsuits stemming from incidents years—or even decades—prior sometimes blurred the line between legitimate justice and opportunism. In rare cases, false accusations surfaced, further complicating the narrative.
For many men, this created a climate of uncertainty. The line between a respectful approach and being accused of inappropriate behavior became so blurred that some men decided it was safer not to approach women at all. At first, this seemed like a win for women. They could go out with friends and enjoy their night without unwanted advances.
Post-2020 Changes
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in 2020, people stopped going out altogether. By 2022–2023, as society reopened, women noticed that men still weren’t approaching them. After years of isolation, many women missed the thrill of being pursued, but men remained cautious, still wary of potential accusations.
This shift led to criticism of men online, with accusations of being “soft,” “weak,” or “beta males.” Frustrated, some women began openly expressing disappointment over the lack of male attention.
Meanwhile, dating apps like Tinder (launched in 2012) were becoming increasingly popular. These platforms allowed men to connect with women in a controlled environment, removing much of the anxiety about being misinterpreted or falsely accused. Apps like Tinder also ensured mutual attraction before initiating a conversation, easing the pressure of in-person interactions.
Of course, some men misused these platforms (e.g., by sending inappropriate messages), but they are the exception rather than the rule. For many, online dating was a game-changer—an opportunity to connect with women without the fear of being canceled.
A New Trend Emerges
Around 2022, a small shift began. Some men regained the confidence to approach women in person but did so more respectfully. Instead of using outdated or forceful tactics, they adopted a gentler, more considerate approach. That is when a trend was born.
I want to make this very, very, very clear: I am fully aware that there are men in this world who are disrespectful, creepy, and dangerous toward women. I fully encourage women to start recording audio or video if they ever feel uncomfortable in any situation. I encourage men to do the same as well.
Here’s the thing: in the beginning, before this was even a trend, recording did save lives. If someone dangerous was following another person and that person started recording, there was a high chance the stalker would walk away. Recording or snapping photos is and continues to be a good method to deter someone from approaching.
The Problem
As I mentioned earlier, when good things become popular and there is something to gain from them, people often take advantage. The trend of women filming random guys at the gym or in public is an example of this. Some women may dislike hearing this, but it’s true: looking at another person is not illegal.
Humans—male or female—are looked at by others every single day. I understand that gyms, in particular, put people in compromising positions, and that can make some uncomfortable. However, a gym is full of equipment, and people have limited places to look. Often, their options are the floor or the ceiling. If someone is in the zone and staring off into the distance, it’s likely someone else will fall into their line of sight.
Even if someone is looking at you, it doesn’t automatically mean they have ill intentions. Sometimes men are impressed by how much weight a woman is lifting and are in awe of her strength. Men also keep an eye on others—both men and women—at the gym in case they need help. This is not always about attraction.
The issue is that this trend has gone massively viral. It has reached the point where many men no longer approach or help women at the gym. This extends to public spaces as well. Yes, there are times when a man’s behavior is creepy, and a woman needs to protect herself, but there are also times when a man is simply admiring someone’s beauty or strength.
The moment a woman decides to record a man and post it online for looking at her, she risks creating a ripple effect. Men see these videos, and many decide it’s safer not to approach women at all. Ironically, I’ve seen women record men in public or at the gym, only to post another video later complaining that no men approach them at bars. Do we all see the hypocrisy?
The Psychological Impact
In 2024, many men have learned that approaching a woman in public carries the risk of being recorded and posted online for making her feel uncomfortable—even for something as innocuous as calling her beautiful. If the video goes viral, that man could face public backlash and potentially have his life ruined.
As a result, many men avoid approaching women altogether. Those who haven’t given up on love often turn to dating apps. Apps allow men to find women who might already be attracted to them and strike up a conversation in a safer environment. This reduces the risk of making a woman uncomfortable and, in turn, the risk of being “canceled.”
What About Men Who’ve Given Up?
Some men, tired of rejection and societal pressures, have chosen to live alone or with friends. They’ve created a lifestyle where they don’t need to worry about interactions being misinterpreted or plastered online. They can live in peace—going to the store, cooking a nice meal, watching a movie, or playing video games. For these men, the idea of approaching women in public is no longer worth the risk.
The Bigger Picture
Not all men are the same, and not all women are the same. Some women want to be approached, while others don’t. Some women see men as trash, while others see beauty and light in them. Similarly, some men see women as objects, while others value vulnerability and connection.
Unfortunately, trends have a way of shaping culture—both positively and negatively. While the MeToo movement and recording creepy behavior have done much good, they’ve also created a culture where men are increasingly hesitant to approach women in social environments. Dating apps have become a safer alternative for many men.
I hope this answer the question.
God bless you all!