The topic of dating in the 21st century could easily fill a 100-book series. There’s so much that goes into it that no one could ever fully capture it all. However, I recently read a research study that attempts to explain where “authenticity” fits into mobile dating.
The study is titled Dating in the 21st Century: How Important Is Authenticity for Mobile Dating Apps? The researchers used Tinder as the main app for their analysis, interviewing and studying seven individuals in their mid-to-late twenties. I encourage you to read the study yourself. I’ll be referencing it here while adding my own opinions and experiences.
The primary question the researchers sought to answer was: “What role does authenticity play for users in the superficial environment of mobile dating apps like Tinder?” If you’ve ever tried online or mobile dating, the findings likely won’t shock you: physical attractiveness is the deciding factor in whether someone swipes left or right.
Let me emphasize this point—physical attractiveness isn’t just one aspect of the decision-making process; it is the gateway to engagement. Among the seven participants who shared detailed insights about their views on themselves, others, and society, the consensus was clear: physical appearance is the main factor in deciding whether to even click on someone’s profile.
Am I surprised? Not really. Am I disappointed? Absolutely. Some might argue that I feel this way because I’m not conventionally attractive, and I’d agree with them. At 29, I’m a chubby male with an asymmetrical face and a disproportionate body. Society has conditioned us to equate attractiveness with a muscular, proportionate build for men and a slim, proportionate build for women. If you don’t meet these criteria, you’re automatically excluded from the standard definition of beauty. So, yes, I’m disheartened that something as superficial as physical attraction is the primary gateway to meaningful relationships on dating apps.
Enough of my ranting. Let’s get back to the study. While attraction is undeniably important, the main focus of the research was authenticity. What did the researchers discover? They found that people who fit conventional beauty standards are more likely to authentically present themselves in photos that clearly show their faces and full bodies. These individuals aren’t insecure about their appearance and often make it the focal point of their profiles.
But how do others perceive these profiles? It depends on their intentions, which the study categorized into seven motives: finding love, casual sex, ease of communication, self-worth validation, thrill of excitement, and trendiness. For those seeking love, they spend a bit more time analyzing the profiles of people they find attractive. According to the study, women browse Tinder profiles for an average of 8.5 minutes per session, compared to 7.2 minutes for men (Bilton, 2014). While I suspect these numbers have decreased in the last decade, I can’t prove it.
On the other hand, if someone’s intention is casual sex, a thrill, or just following a trend, physical attraction is usually enough to prompt a swipe right. But let’s say Person A is attracted to Person B—what’s next?
Surprisingly, even if a woman finds a man attractive, there’s more to consider before she’ll read his profile. Several women interviewed in the study mentioned they try to glean information from a man’s photos. They prefer seeing men in diverse, unstaged environments—like hiking on a mountain, enjoying coffee with friends, or cooking. Staged photos, however, are a turn-off. One participant even said gym selfies are an immediate no-go because they come across as “self-absorbed.” Interestingly, in my experience, many men are more drawn to women’s gym selfies, likely seeing it as a shared interest.
So, if you’re keeping track, to succeed on dating apps, the first thing you need to do is fit society’s physical attractiveness standards. Then, you need photos that showcase your interests—but they can’t look staged. Maybe hire a photographer to follow you around during your day-to-day life. That way, it’s technically not staged. Be cautious with gym photos—some women don’t like them—and, from my experience, fish pictures are also a no-go.
The study also recommends having one clear photo of your face and another of your full body. These should be straight-on shots—no hiding behind angles to conceal insecurities. Once you’ve nailed these photo standards, then (and only then) does the content of your profile matter.
I know I sound sarcastic, but this is the reality of dating in the 21st century. If you met your partner in person—at an event or anywhere offline—you don’t have to deal with all of this. But if you’re using apps or websites, you absolutely do.
I’ve been off dating apps for about a year now. While I didn’t know everything I learned from this study, I wasn’t surprised by any of it. I get it—you have to find someone attractive to want to date them. It doesn’t matter how amazing they are, how well they’d fit into your life, or how much you share in common. What matters most is that they’re hot.
At this point, I’m one more book or research article away from putting my photo and email in a newspaper ad to find a wife:
“30-year-old male seeks holy woman in Central Florida. Chubby but content with his looks. Can cook, clean, garden, and build things (with the help of YouTube tutorials). May not remember every detail during venting sessions but will try his best. If interested, add him on MySpace or send an email.“
Honestly, that sounds pretty good to me. What do you think?